This guest post is by Jared Hites, a senior at Hermantown High School who is on the autism spectrum and also has ADHD. Jared will be attending Itasca Community College in the Fall of 2017 and plans to pursue an Engineering Degree. Jared is applying for our Spring 2017 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference. You can read more about the organization and how to apply for our scholarship here.
My parents say I was a “normal”, healthy and happy baby. I met all the developmental milestones and check marks. They noticed I was acting different at age four. This led to my first diagnosis of ADHD. I was started on medications and an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) in Kindergarten. I did well at first, however, my parents still felt something else wasn’t right. My parents wanted the best for me in school and to not fall behind. My parents weren’t afraid of “labels” being put on me, they just wanted whatever help was available to me. For this I am lucky because so many people are afraid of being labeled as different. Afraid that they will be pigeonholed onto a certain path because of the label and excluded from opportunities.
I spoke in monotone and had no facial expressions. I couldn’t maintain eye contact while I talked to anyone, even my parents. My eyes would dart and look to the side. I also twirled my hair for comfort. In Kindergarten I always played by myself at recess. I remember finding a rusty metal car brake the first day of school and bringing it proudly home. I didn’t socially interact with my classmates. I would never ask the teacher for help either, even when I clearly didn’t understand. My mom says she can’t remember the day I stopped laughing, smiling and wanting to be hugged and touched. She gets teary eyed when she tells me this. She says she still loves me the way I am. Sometimes she tells me I must give her a hug or let her give me a kiss on the cheek. I do this, I see it makes her happy, but I don’t really feel the need for this contact.
My parents inquired further help seeking out a Pediatric Developmental Specialist. Finally at age seven I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. My parents questioned whether I specifically had Aspergers but were told I didn’t fit this exactly. I had already been on an IEP because of my ADHD, but nothing was added or changed to this with my new diagnosis of PDD-NOS. I don’t think teachers are educated enough on how to adapt teaching styles to students with high functioning Autism. So many teachers are stuck with the same teaching style for all students. When in reality a more flexible/individual teaching approach would benefit all students.
My mom would pick me up from school and I would explode the moment I got in the van. My brothers would be excited to see me and say “Hi Jared” and I would just yell at them, I couldn’t help myself. It was so tiring to try to act right and fit in during the school day. To this day trying to think like a Neurotypical person is very stressful and tiring. My mom always told me she was glad I was able to keep it together at school and let loose in the safety of home.
In school I continued to play alone. I never initiated social contact, however, if I was invited I would willingly join in, but still be quiet. I had a neighbor, Matthew, he was one year younger than me. I would sometimes ask my mom to have him come over to play. But I would always go off and play by myself and ignore him.
I remember always getting upset if my parents changed the plan of the day. I wanted to know exactly how many stores we were going to. The extra stop added to the day really stressed me. I still need to know the exact plan and any deviation stresses me.
Finally the summer after ninth grade I went to counseling sessions to help me understand myself better. I’d been struggling with some classes and having problems at home because of this. I learned I actually did think different. My parents learned how to word things differently so I’d clearly understand expectations. I have struggled less in school since and things are much happier at home. I earned privileges I didn’t have before. I don’t think my parents or I really understood that PDD-NOS was on the Autism Spectrum. We thought the IEP could fix all my school and personal struggles and it didn’t. I have become my own self-advocate. We gave the teachers handouts that explained I was on the Autism Spectrum and how I function and think. It was a success my grades improved. It was the first time my parents and I believed I actually could attend college and be successful.
My classmates know I’m quirky and they accept me. I don’t get teased at all. I think they think “oh that’s just Jared”. I don’t have a “filter” to my thoughts and ideas most of the time. I just speak what is on my mind. My mom is afraid this will get me beat up or injured someday. However, I am learning to keep some of these thoughts in my head.
I got a job last summer working at Home Depot as a Lot Associate. I’m learning to interact with people in the “real world” and being responsible for a different schedule. I have continued to work during the school year successfully. I even received compliments from coworkers about being a hard worker.
I think high functioning Autism is being shown in a positive light. Many career paths also seek employees with the mind set of Autism. Autism traits are seen as positive qualities.
As Temple Grandin said “Autism is a part of who I am”. I personally wouldn’t want to change anything about myself. It makes me who I am, Jared, and I like me. I like being different.
Kerry Magro, an international motivational speaker and best-selling author started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue a post-secondary education. Help us continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here. Also, consider having Kerry who travels around the country speaking about his journey on the autism spectrum at your next event by contacting him here.
Very well written essay, Jared! Congratulations on your accomplishments thus far! You surely will have many doors open to you in your future!
Very interesting look into your life. Best of luck in school!
Great article, Jared! Thanks for sharing! Definitely gives me a new perspective on what it means to be autistic, the positive yet difficult journey.
Jared you’ve grown into a responsible and dependable young man. I know you will run into struggles these next few years. But just remember what you’ve overcome and stay strong. Great essay, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your journey ! I’m sure it wasn’t easy to write it but I’m so glad you did it was beautiful !!
So glad you’re choosing to go to college.. it will be the next interesting chapter of your life:)
Bless your heart! You are truly an inspiration for so many that have struggles. Let your light shine, and never let anyone dim that light. You will go places in life you never thought you would. Keep up the good work !
Very good article cuz. I had no idea. You are headed in the right path. You will change many lives and succeed with greatness .
Great essay Jared this helps me to understand how one with Autism feels I have not seen the feelings put down do well before. Good luck and prayers to you for your future.
Very proud of the young man you have become thru the hurdles you have managed. Best Wishes for the college years ahead. LV Bubbe
Very interesting read and perspective. I have know Jared for more than 12 yrs and think he is excellent young man. Very proud of him.
Jared we are so proud of you. What a wonderful essay. You have always been your own self. You put into words on paper what in your heart. Lu grandma and Bob
Great job Jared. Keep up the hard work. Wish you continued success in College next year.
So happy and proud to see you succeeding. Keep up the good work and keep being yourself.