This guest post is by John Alston, a young man on the autism spectrum who was accepted into University of North Carolina at Wilmington where he is pursuing a degree in film studies. John is applying for the Spring 2018 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference. You can read more about the organization and how to apply for our scholarship here. You can help our scholarship program continue to help these students by making a donation here (the majority of our scholarship program is ran through donors from our community such as yourself so no matter if you could donate anything, whether it be $5 anywhere up to $5,000 it would be making a difference!).
Movies unlocked my future. It may sound cliche, but without the emotional support of the visual medium of cinema, I probably would not be motivated to attend college. As a receiver of the PDD/NOS diagnosis, my experience with the autism spectrum may be different from most recipients, but it creates challenges of its own. When I was growing up, my interaction with the outside world was limited, in part because of my primitive social skills, and in part of my distinct lack of emotional connection with the acquaintances that demand a heightened response. Further complicating this situation is a lifelong sensitivity to sound, thus providing an ironic situation in which my voice projects too loudly, but a response of equal volume creates irritation and sometimes pain. This makes concerts rough sometimes, and the intense clatter of dishes being unloaded makes me leave the area.
I’m going to address the elephant in the room. It would be the easiest thing in the world to attribute a childhood of general solitude to the controversial practice of homeschooling, but that would be highly unfair. My mother took me to plenty of field-trips, enrolled me in various youth-groups and day camps, and pressed me to make friends in my “co-op” classes, some of which I’m still in contact today. But the biggest obstacle to a social life is not a lack of opportunity, it’s the lack of desire to engage. What can one person do that another cannot? Why have 100 “good” friends, when you can have a handful of “perfect” ones?
Now obviously, the logical answer is that because humans are inevitably flawed, each individual deserves the same chance at friendship, “warts and all.” But in practice, it is difficult to extend the same level of energy in the hopes that someone will bond with you, especially since his or her social dynamics may be a lot higher. To complicate these issues, I also have struggles with looking a peer directly in the eye. It is not because I am attempting to be deceitful or even because of a built-in bashfulness, but because of my autism. When I think, not only do I hear my hypothetical voice, I often see a teleprompter in my mind’s eye of the sentences I should say. If I look at anything intently, I can’t see the “words.”
I believe I have gotten better about this challenge by looking at the general shape of the individual’s head, but still, I can usually only engage in the eyes of someone else after I’ve stated my thought. But the world of movies is different. Characters don’t just form friendships right away, they have adventures, romances, and lifelong bonds, often in the time it takes for a pot to boil. They don’t have difficulty looking each other in the eye, because they rarely occupy the same physical space. An actor or actress is usually filmed looking off to the side, talking to the camera. A reverse angle of the same action is also filmed, with the conversation assembled at the editing room. The eye contact is mostly an illusion.
For once, I am experiencing the same sensation with the screen as I would want in real life. That is to say, my inability to look someone perfectly in the eye is “matched” with the other’s failure to do the same. But life is seldom like the movies.
Just as character arcs are cohesive and mostly straightforward in general narrative cinema, humans are mysterious and jumbled up, an enigma with the power to punish. I have said and experienced things that have been given the same internal structure, but with different outcomes. How does one navigate a world in which a fist-bump is “cool” to some, but “weird” to others? Under which circumstances is seeming confident “likeable” or arrogant? If the rules are constantly changing, is keeping up a bitter necessity or a weak conformity?
There are no easy answers in this world. But when I watch a movie, I don’t see characters existing to fit in. I see James Stewart confronting social injustice in Washington, I see Gary Cooper facing down a band of outlaws. I see a hobbit carrying the other up a jagged cliff, knowing this may be his last action. I see seven warriors sacrifice their time, their honor, and for some, their lives, knowing that defending a helpless village of farmers may be their final legacy.
But finally, I see myself, knowing that whatever these characters experience is a mountain compared to the anthill of my social difficulties. I don’t have to save the galaxy or destroy a giant weapon. I just have to have the courage to believe in humanity. I can certainly try.
Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue a post-secondary education. Help us continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here. Also, consider having Kerry, one of the only professionally accredited speakers on the spectrum in the country, speak at your next event by sending him an inquiry here.
We’d also appreciate if you could start a Facebook Fundraiser to support our nonprofit’s scholarship fund! You can learn more about how you can do just that here.
John, thank you for writing an article that gave a wonderful vantage point into how you experience the world. Congratulations on being awarded the scholarship! I am really proud of your hard work and perseverance over the years. May the Lord bless you as you complete your undergrad education and open doors for you to fully use the many gifts He has given you!!
John that’s a very impressive story. I like it because it’s deeply personal and a great window into autism that I hadn’t considered. Especially the part about eye contact in film being an illusion. I also like it because my own son will be entering a film program this fall, at Chapman University. Best of luck to you at UNC-W!
Thank you for you openness and view. This was well written.
John, rarely can you find such openness and strength expressed. Thank you for creating scenes of your life that bring me into your world. I will see your world differently from now on. You are gifted. I wish you all the best.
John, What a unique way to describe social interactions for a young man on the spectrum and your affinity for movies. As somebody who meets with you regularly here at UNCW, it is exciting to read your writing and understand your thoughts a little more. I am so proud of you for applying for this scholarship and sharing your thoughts with the world! See you in the Fall!
John, so eloquently written. – You have overcome many challenges to be where you are today. May you have continued success wherever life leads you.
John, you have overcome so much! I loved reading what you wrote, thank you for your insight. I pray the Lord continues to lead and guide you, and give you insight.
🙂
Thank you for allowing us insight through your lens!
All the best,
John, your Aunt Nancy shared this with me and my family. Thank you for such honest insight into your life. Wishing you the best as you continue to follow your dreams.
This is a great read! Using your experience in the film industry to share your story was a fantastic metaphor. Thanks for sharing!
This was a great read! Using your experience with the film business to give insight into your personal journey was a great metaphor. Thanks for sharing your story!
John thank you for giving us an inside view. So proud of your hard work.
John, I enjoyed reading your essay. Thank you for being so transparent, while educating others such as myself about life with autism. You are inspiring.
John, this is an amazing piece of writing. It helps us understand your situation with great clarity and humility. With your film efforts, you now have two possible interrelated professions, film maker and professional writer. We wish you well on your scholarship pursuit. And keep writing!
John, this is a powerful article. You’ve shared your innermost being and that’s something most people only wish they could do. Well done, young man. I can see success in your future.
Great article, John! I’m so glad I got to read it! It expands my understanding in so many very practical ways. Thanks.
What an insightful essay bringing together ideas I had never thought about. You are to be commended for your courage to confront the issues head-on. Best of success to you as you continue your studies.
Thanks for sharing your story and inspiring others.
Very nicely written essay, John! I love your commitment to your talents and the drive to learn more and more!
I really appreciated the well written essay that you submitted. It helped me understand more about the syndrome you deal with on a daily basis. I am so glad you were able to find such a creative pathway to use your talents to express yourself and help others in the process find their voice. So many documentaries have helped people and organizations communicate their message to a wider audience than would have been possible otherwise. Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us.
Your essay is so inspiring. As a mother to a child on the Spectrum, I can understand the struggles you have overcome. This also gives me great hope for my child’s future. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this informative and inspiring glimpse into your life! I read it more than once absorbing all you packed into this simple, clear and educational piece. You especially challenged me with “If the rules are constantly changing, is keeping up a bitter necessity or a weak conformity?” Please continue to share your thoughts and insight. You have a gift!
Very well-written! (I am a teacher John had in one of those homeschooling co-ops he mentions.
Thanks for giving us insight on some of the reasons behind certain behaviors/reactions. You are a very talented writer and I enjoyed the essay very much.
John, thank you for opening up and sharing part of your story. I thank God for blessing you with an interest and passion that is helping you become the person He made you to be. You truly have a gift with words!
John,
I grew up in Williamston, NC with your Aunt Nancy. She has kept me updated on your studies since she knew that my daughter loved being a UNCW Seahawk and my son has autism. I had to smile when you spoke of your voice projecting too loudly. I am all too familiar with that. My son still startles me sometimes with a booming voice, especially when I am driving him in my car! I think that you definitely have what it takes to have a strong voice in the world of film. Best Wishes to you as you continue your journey.
Thank you, John, for peeling back the outside of this unusual, even exotic, fruit to show us the sweet center. Well done, young man!
Thank you, John, for sharing in such a touching, beautifully written and vulnerable way! Your piece helps me to understand autism in ways I had not before. I have an adult son that I’ve wondered if he is also high-functioning autistic, but after reading your piece I question if there is something else going on. You have also inspired me to share a little of my story…..
It has been difficult for me to accept the diagnosis of bipolar disorder type 2 that I received almost 8 years ago. I am so thankful that despite my condition which has played havoc in my life at different points, I had no money to go to college, but I was blessed to have received a full “work” scholarship for college in exchange for 2 years of teaching, to have taught a total of twenty years–from first grade through high school special education classes and even some college English composition. I went on to earn a MA in Communications at Wheaton College at a time when I received so much financial help that I only was responsible for a five thousand dollar loan.
Just as I was finishing grad school, I got married and we’ve shared 40 happy, sometimes painful and difficult, but always growing years. Working around marriage and children, I then had a very exciting and fruitful career for fifteen years of being a one woman PR agency, writing, producing and developing a national radio and tv PSA campaign for two international Christian organizations. But the most important role God has given me is being a thankful wife for 40 years, a mom to two sons, and a grandma to two grandsons. Disabilities can be cruel defining labels, but they only have power if one gives them place. I am happy to read how you, John, have overcome them in your life, and are going on to bless and encourage others.
What a wonderful article. Thank you for sharing your heart and helping us to understand the challenges you face. Well done and well said.
John,
I’ve followed your journey through your Aunt Nancy, with whom I’ve worked closely for 16 years, and have been impressed with your spirit and determination.
Using film as metaphor, you have explained eloquently what those of us outside the spectrum can never know for ourselves. I hope one day that I get to see one of your films.
John,
First congratulations on your accomplishments, thus far! I think it is wonderful that you are pursuing your goals and dreams! Second, thank you for sharing the challenges you have experienced. The more we know, the better able we are to understand and support. Good luck with your studies! I wish you all the best!
This is insightful, beautifully written and will be helpful to those trying to better understand this experience. Thanks for sharing!
Wow! Great essay! Thanks for posting. I knew so little about autism spectrum and was touched by what I learned here. You will make a great contributor to the world of film and also to society by your insight and determination! Keep up the good work.
Recognizing what makes you uncomfortable and learning to deal with it is what life’s journey is all about. I am happy for you that you have identified film study as something that has helped you. I hope you continue!
John, you are an amazing young man and one who will be very successful! Your article articulated what many people struggle to do and that is knowing yourself. Thank you for sharing your experiences! I have grown learning about them. Best of luck on your future journeys and adventures!
Interesting thoughts and great parallels! Best of luck to you, John! Don’t ever give up!
This was an amazing glimpse into your life and the power of movies to bypass some of the challenges you face daily. Thanks for sharing your story.
What a wonderful read! Your outlook is wonderful and you serve as role model for many.
John, This is an excellent article! I thoroughly enjoyed reading through it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your experiences. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for the enlightening words into this issue, John. Well done!
So glad you found your passion. I encourage people to read John Alston’s essay a second time; not because it is difficult to understand, but that there are subtle discoveries that unveil themselves. Particularly interesting was the part where John says he has a ‘teleptompter’ In your minds eye.
Thank you for sharing. May you have great success!
I admire you for your perseverance, John. Keep up the good work- you are an encouragement to others.
John, I’ve known you all of your life, and I had no idea you were such a good writer! And I’m in the business! I’m so proud of how beautifully you’ve expressed your insights–and how far you’ve come!
John, Your writing shows humility and self-awareness, which is mature and commendable. Nicely done in that respect. Also wise to understand your challenges as real but surmountable. Lean into the challenge, be patient with others and with yourself, and keep pressing on. Godspeed good fellow!
What a great article. Thanks for opening up and letting us see a bit more about you. I am so proud of you for pressing forward to achieve your goal!
Thank you, John, for helping me understand autism a little better. Your illustration about movie characters is insightful. Keep up the good work.
Thank you for that John. It really helps to know more what others are experiencing. We are so proud of you, and all the Sechlers love you!
Thank you for a brilliant and articulate writing of your world. This touched me so. I am glad for movies John and you!
Very well expressed and helpful! Thank you for sharing!
What remarkable insight from someone who has been there. I was definitely enlightened by your well-placed words. I will never look at autism again in the same way. Thank you, John. You and your mom are a wonderful testimony of God’s faithfulness.
Thank you for your insight!!!
Well said, John. Such an education for me just reading your essay. I admire your courage and, incidentally, your writing skills. Blessings.
John, this is certainly an inspiration to others. Maybe others see what you see but are afraid to verbalize it. Thank you for verbalizing it!
I love hearing updates from your mom at EMMA. Congratulations on your successes after leaving the program. We’re proud of you!
Hayley Saffer
Wow! What an amazing article, John! I came away greatly enlightened, with deeper understanding as well as compassion. And what a way with words John has! Extremely educated and educating article , to say the least. Keep it up, John! You have a gift that needs to be shared!
Beautifully said!
I admire your perseverance, John. Keep up the good work- you are an example to others !
Your accomplishments are even more impressive when you share your perspective so eloquently. Such a great article, John! Thank you for opening up to the world.
So interesting and enlightening. Thanks for this well-written perspective!
Great article John! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us.
Great job! Such a great new perspective I hadn’t thought about before. Thanks for sharing your story.
John, you have always been a remarkable writer! Thank you for sharing your world, with its challenges. I look forward to watching you excel as you seek to continue your education in film studies. I am so very proud to know you! You are a light! Keep shining brightly because your light can be the lifegiving source that rekindles and encourages others who have autism.
Great article John! It was very well written and gave great insight into your experiences with autism. I wish you much success!
What a great article John! It was very well written, easy to follow and gave great insight into your experiences with autism. Great job!
Very well said… it was insightful and gave a clearer understanding of the hurdles faced when autism is a part of the equation. Thank you for sharing your story.
This is so well written. So thoughtfully planned out. Thank you so much for writing this! I have a 5 yr old son who is also on the spectrum, and so many of the things you have written, I can already see applying to him, as well, in his own way.
I wish you all the best as you pursue your dreams!
My son has Tourette’s and is also on the spectrum. Homeschooling him has been a challenge and a blessing. I’m so thankful for your testimony and a little insight into what’s going on in his head. He also has sound aversion. While no two are the same exactly, the similarities create a familiarity with which I can relate.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I could identify with several of your points from both personal and parental experience. Please continue to share and inspire and encourage others!
We have enjoyed your mom this year at EMMA. John, Thanks for sharing your story!
Wonderful article! Very enlightening and well written.
Remarkable! Very proud of you. Keep up the amazing work!
Thanks for sharing your story John! You’re such a great inspiration and we are so proud of you for continuing to overcome the obstacles that come your way!
I am very proud of you John for all u have accomplished & have brave you are! I these words you have given hope to many! I pray God’s favor for the scholarship to be yours! The Lord bless you God!
Way to go, John! Best of luck with the scholarship.
This is an awesome testimony.
John Alston has written a thought-provoking and insightful commentary. He very eloquently spoke of the challenges of autism, illuminating the very real distractions and barriers that hinder typicall social interaction. I wish John success and happiness.
Thanks for sharing your insights and personal experiences
John, I am so proud of you and all that you hve accomplished!!! As a mom, with 2 biys on the spectrum, you bring hope to a future that they can strive for anything they want to do. Thanks you for sharing and praying for your future!!