This guest post is by Jayda Stevens, a young woman who attends University of Scranton. She is an advocate for the Spring 2025 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference started by me, Kerry Magro. I was nonverbal till 2.5 and diagnosed with autism at 4 and you can read more about my organization here.
Autistics on Autism the Next Chapter: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams was released on Amazon on 3/25/25 and looks at the lives over 75 Autistic adults. 100% of the proceeds from this book will go back to supporting our nonprofits many initiatives, like this scholarship program. Check out the book here.
I was never good with words, even writing this essay was somewhat difficult. Putting my feelings and experiences into coherent sentences is a huge challenge. I like to describe my feelings in colors or pictures, now looking back I think that’s what made it so difficult growing up. Any and every conversation and assignment I had was nothing but scribbles to me. Looking back, I think that’s what made it so difficult to fit in with my peers. I saw everything in a different light and explained things differently; to them I was the one who sounded like scribbles. Not only that but I always felt like I was encaged in some glass box, I was able to see and hear people, yet they felt so far away, and when I spoke back it was as if they couldn’t hear me, looking at me as if I were some strange artifacts put up for display. However, I never did anything about it, well I didn’t have the option. I wasn’t aware I was autistic until the age of 18, so about a year ago.
My autistic experience was one I was unaware I had and was having. I can’t blame my mother for not knowing, she grew up in a country where mental health was seen as “work of witches.” However, there were a few signs she missed. When I began Pre-K, I didn’t make a single friend, the reason being, I didn’t speak. There would be classmates who would try to talk to me but I ignored every single one of them. My teacher noticed that I didn’t speak as well and spoke to my mother about it. My mother took me to the doctors, but they told her it was completely normal for a four-year-old, and that I’d grow out of it soon; however, that wasn’t completely the case. In elementary school, I had a hard time making friends. I felt like an alien, like everyone was speaking a language I couldn’t understand—full of silent signals, inside jokes, and invisible lines I kept crossing without meaning to. I would lose many friendships over the course of many years, I would be called rude, fake, mean and other offense comments. Feeling like an alien never really left me, and it didn’t help when everyone around me would constantly tell me I was “weird…but in a good way!” “Unique,” “Different.” I tried taking those words as compliments, but at the time I never really understood what warranted those comments; I couldn’t blame them, I did know I was a little different from the rest, it just hurt that others saw it too. For a large part of my life, I tried to fit in with others, liking the same interests and hobbies, but I could never fit in either way. There has only been one person in my entire life that has understood me, who has made me feel like I was in place for the first time; that would be my best friend, Helen. Helen and I met when we were both kindergarteners, and we’ve been inseparable since. Ironically, she has an autistic brother, might’ve been the main reason she didn’t mind who I was.
Friendships weren’t the only thing I struggled with; autism had a big impact on my academic life. My older sister was naturally smart, and being the younger sister of a natural genius, I wanted to be just like my sister. Beginning middle school I was placed into “Honors” and was part apart of the advanced student section. Although I was placed with all the gifted students, I always felt like I was falling behind, as if I didn’t deserve to be in the same room as them. Anytime a teacher gave out an assignment, to me, it sounded like pure scribbles, but to others, it sounded clear as day. The hardest the subject for me to understand, was English- ironically, my best grades were in English; when I mean hard, I mean hard to complete. As I said in the beginning, words aren’t my strong suit. I found it incredible hard to start writing assignments, never knowing the perfect way to word my thoughts. All my thoughts consisted of colors and images. It was difficult to explain myself about anything. Instead of writing, I gravitated to the one thing that allowed me to express colors and images, art; art is a special interest of mine. In a way, the autistic symptom that made it difficult to process words, helped me gain a talent in art. I was told by multiple teachers that I was gifted in the arts, and it made me even more passionate in the field. I would go on to be featured in galleries and win multiple awards. However, as talented as I am in art, colleges weren’t looking for those qualities. Now, back to my academic life, I managed to keep my place in the Honors system because although it was difficult for me to start and understand assignments, the second I began to understand I knew what I was doing. I’m not stupid, nor dumb, I’m just slow. I don’t see being “slow” as a bad thing, I see it as need a bit of time to process information. Art wasn’t the only field I was interested in, like many autistics I have a stronger sense of justice. Since I was six years old, I loved to argue and debate, mostly with my family and friends. As I grew older and realized how dark the world is, I grew an interest in politics, government, civics, and law
As an autistic woman, who was diagnosed late in life, I’m not upset that I was diagnosed so late in life. My experiences make me who I am. As a student at the University of Scranton, I want to make a change and become a lawyer. My main goal in life is to be the voice for those who can’t speak.
Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue a post-secondary education. Help us continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here.
Also, consider having Kerry, one of the only professionally accredited speakers on the spectrum in the country, speak at your next event by sending him an inquiry here. If you have a referral for someone who many want him to speak please reach out as well! Kerry speaks with schools, businesses, government agencies, colleges, nonprofit organizations, parent groups and other special events on topics ranging from employment, how to succeed in college with a learning disability, internal communication, living with autism, bullying prevention, social media best practices, innovation, presentation best practices and much more!
