This guest post is by Laura Walsh, a young woman who was diagnosed with autism at 21 months and plans to attend the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Laura is applying for the Spring 2023 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference started by me, Kerry Magro. I was nonverbal till 2.5 and diagnosed with autism at 4, and you can read more about my organization here. Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams, our nonprofit’s new book, was released on March 29, 2022, on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults.
There’s one question I’d rather not answer. These four words alone triggered my fight or flight; “Hi, how are you?” “I’m good, how are you?” my teeth clenched into a smile. My contempt arose at eight years old, when I asked my Mom, “Why do I have to ask how they are if we don’t actually care?” She glared in revulsion, “Don’t question it! It’s just the way things are.”
Quite frankly, I was frustrated. I forgot what to say even though we rehearsed in the car. It was like the whole world was in on a secret except me. I mastered the art of pretending, losing myself in small talk and plastered smiles, praying that I would finally be accepted if I was perfect. No wonder I was drawn to the stage.
When I sing, the world fades away. It doesn’t matter how I sound or what anyone thinks because no one is too weird in fiction. I was encouraged to dance like no one’s watching as a gleeful nun or retaliate against bullies as a mean teacher. A character is a vessel for expression, hidden beneath the waves of subtext. For the first time, I could live my truth.
My confidence remains long after the curtains closed. I mustered the courage to audition for a music festival and actually got in. My childhood dream of directing came true when I invited a handful of strangers into my home. who soon became my family. Of course, I’ve messed up too, but I’ve learned to appreciate my mistakes because failure is the greatest teacher. I’m no longer afraid to be seen.
When I share that I’m autistic, people usually say they would’ve never known, implying that being disabled limits my identity and capabilities. Disability is not a bad word; I simply have different needs than most people. I’ll never be “normal”, and that’s okay. My normal is expressing how I truly feel, sometimes with a larger than life smile or no expression at all. My normal is rehearsing for hours to perfect a piece, falling deeper in love with singing. My normal is wearing earplugs in large crowds, finally enjoying concerts and football games. Happiness begins when you let go of expectations.
I no longer strive to overcome my disability because it’s a vital and valuable aspect of who I am. I’m not an alien struggling to be human; I’m a person, just like you, who wants to be loved for their true self. Dare to be you, even if perceived as unconventional or not accepted yet. You never know who you’ll discover.
Follow my journey on Facebook, my Facebook Fan Page, Tiktok, Youtube & Instagram.
My name is Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum. I started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue post-secondary education. Help support me so I can continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here.
Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams was released on March 29, 2022 on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults. 100% of the proceeds from this book will go back to our nonprofit to support initiatives like our autism scholarship program. In addition, this autistic adult’s essay you just read will be featured in a future volume of this book as we plan on making this into a series of books on autistic adults.
