This guest post is by Mariah Barba, a young woman on the autism spectrum who was diagnosed with autism at 16 years of age and plans to attend Northern Arizona University. Mariah is applying for the Spring 2023 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference started by me, Kerry Magro. I was nonverbal till 2.5 and diagnosed with autism at 4, and you can read more about my organization here. Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams, our nonprofit’s new book, was released on March 29, 2022, on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults.
“Below average,” a phrase that I read over and over the years as I received the state testing results. The hours, months, and years of sitting at the dinner table night after night crying while my mom tried to explain simple concepts to me all started to make sense when I read the phrase “below average.” To a child, that translates as being dumb. It’s quite amazing how this far in the advancement of humans our entire academic worth has been reduced to the result of a standardized test and two words “below average.” Unlike many students applying to colleges and universities, I haven’t always had good grades or had the goal of going to college at all.
As a freshman in high school having a hard time academically was not new to me, I had a history of depression and an anxiety disorder from living in an abusive household where my parents were so focused on their own problems they didn’t notice my struggles. I struggled especially with certain classes rather than others based on things I didn’t realize affected me like the seating arrangement and my instructor’s teaching style. For as long as I can remember I often had breakdowns in class and would hide in the bathroom avoiding any learning possible because I could not understand what I was learning. “Just ask a friend” the teacher would say when I asked for help, but they didn’t know I had no friends. During my sophomore year in quarantine, my mom and I escaped from that household and moved alone. I fell into a deep pit of feeling worthless and like no matter how hard I tried I would never be as smart or have the potential that others did. I rarely showed up to my classes and was in bed all day and had no social contact or motivation for over a year. I was emotionally numb and stress ate to cope and gained weight which made me lose confidence.
The summer going into my Junior year I started playing water polo and it changed my life. Having a healthy outlet and something to work towards helped me cope and recognize I can accomplish anything I want and change my own life. I knew only I could determine my own future so I started trying to really understand where and why I struggled academically in order to improve. At the end of my junior year, I was diagnosed with Autism and it gave me such a clear view of why I struggled so much mentally and academically throughout my life. It was like a weight was lifted off my back “I’m not dumb, I just learn differently .” Those words stick with me every time someone doubts me or I start to doubt myself. I know I had never gotten the accommodations and help I needed to thrive so now as a senior I can use the resources and support available. I finally feel like I am emotionally stable and academically succeeding. Even though I am still learning about myself every day I believe moving forward I have the mental strength to endure through college and accomplish my goals.
Follow my journey on Facebook, my Facebook Fan Page, Tiktok, Youtube & Instagram.
My name is Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum. I started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue post-secondary education. Help support me so I can continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here.
Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams was released on March 29, 2022 on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults. 100% of the proceeds from this book will go back to our nonprofit to support initiatives like our autism scholarship program. In addition, this autistic adult’s essay you just read will be featured in a future volume of this book as we plan on making this into a series of books on autistic adults.
