This guest post is by Olivia Howell, a young woman on the autism spectrum who was diagnosed with ASD and has been accepted into Truett McConnell University. Olivia is applying for the Spring 2023 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference, started by me, Kerry Magro. I was nonverbal till 2.5 and diagnosed with autism at 4 and you can read more about my organization here. Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams, our nonprofit’s new book, was released on March 29, 2022 on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults.
I was called a colic baby, but it did not last for just six months. I screamed, cried, and could not speak until I was three. My mom sought help early on. At eighteen months old, I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. I received all kinds of therapy; such as occupational, speech, and exposure therapy.
I received therapy going into kindergarten, but by that time, I was not showing signs of being on the spectrum. I was just a “quirky girl”. My parents did not want me to feel different or less than them, so they did not tell my school about the diagnosis. Because of this, I did not receive an IEP. I never learned in a classroom setting. I require one-on-one help if I want to learn something new, and there was always a connection loss between the material, and what I needed to know for the test. I always wanted to get good grades, but I could never figure out how. I would stare at the study guide somehow expecting to acquire that information. I hated to read the information because it felt almost heavy and straining when I did.
Growing up, I never had friends in school. It was not until I was older that I figured out that I find school very over-stimulating. I just thought that I am an old soul and do not get along with people my age. I found everyone my age passive-aggressive and I felt intimidated by most of my peers. Whenever I had to talk to someone, I thought, “ I hope I don’t look stupid”. This is because if I find someone the slightest bit intimidating, I have trouble holding a conversation and formulating my words. This was more likely to happen if there were over-stimulating external factors such as background noise. I also grew up putting so much pressure on myself to be the “it girl”. I wanted to be the smartest, most athletic, and most popular girl in school. I was not able to accomplish any of this due to being an undiagnosed autistic. Therefore, I grew a very deep hatred for myself at a young age.
The first time I felt like it was not my fault was when I was twelve. I was diagnosed with ADD and put on methylphenidate. I immediately started to pay more attention in class. I was more aware of my surroundings. I still struggled in English, but I was learning more in all my other classes. I even started to get As in some of them, as I did not get an A for a couple of years. Even with this diagnosis, it still did not explain why I struggle so much socially, and my emotions were always at extreme rates. I can go from being so happy, to the smallest thing that sets me off and being so extremely upset or angry.
Because of the constant wonder of why I felt this way, I was trying to diagnose myself with mental disorders. I was diagnosed with anxiety at five, and I self-diagnosed myself with depression at thirteen. I knew the way I felt was not because of anxiety, depression, or ADD. No one else with these disorders had the troubles that I did. I was convinced at fourteen years old that I was bipolar. It was the only mental disorder that would have explained my emotions, and it was my way of reasoning why I acted the way I did. I was never diagnosed, and my parents disagreed.
I grew up asking people to repeat themselves time and time again because people’s words sounded like babbling, so I was always told it is just processing disorders. I wanted to get a 504 in college to get me accommodations for the “processing disorders”, but I was not clinically diagnosed. This proceeded to me doing a neuropsychological test. I was then diagnosed with ADHD (inattentiveness), a language disorder, and level one autism spectrum disorder.
When I was doing the neuropsychological testing, I was also researching what the doctors there do. I found it very intriguing, and I became passionate about psychology. I was already passionate about helping others, and now with my diagnosis, I want to help other people on the spectrum. I now want to become a developmental psychologist and study autism and other developmental and psychological disorders.
Follow my journey on Facebook, my Facebook Fan Page, Tiktok, Youtube & Instagram.
My name is Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum that started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue post-secondary education. Help support me so I can continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here.
Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams, was released on March 29, 2022 on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults. 100% of the proceeds from this book go back to our nonprofit to support initiatives like our autism scholarship program. In addition, this autistic adult’s essay you just read will be featured in a future volume of this book as we plan on making this into a series of books on autistic adults.
