This guest post is by Kayla Peterson, a young woman who attends Lake Area Technical College. She is an advocate for the Spring 2025 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference started by me, Kerry Magro. I was nonverbal till 2.5 and diagnosed with autism at 4 and you can read more about my organization here.
Autistics on Autism the Next Chapter: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams was released on Amazon on 3/25/25 and looks at the lives over 75 Autistic adults. 100% of the proceeds from this book will go back to supporting our nonprofits many initiatives, like this scholarship program. Check out the book here.
I got my autism diagnosis at 18, a recent High School graduate. With this news, surprisingly, life didn’t change much. I was working and living independently, and I had a life plan. What I didn’t know then, is that I was stuck in what Asperger’s Experts calls ‘defense mode’.
Learning I had Autism, some struggles I experienced made complete sense— like making friends but struggling to keep them, or having outbursts and ‘challenging’ behavior even when I tried my best to be good. Even my childhood nickname: minor fender bender, which I gained while learning to ride a two-wheeled bike (motor coordination struggles, anyone else?). But Autism didn’t just show up for me during childhood, and as I learned more, I gained insight into how Autism shows up in my life now. For many years, that was masking.
Outwardly, I appeared confident, outgoing, and bubbly. While knowledgeable about my job, my confidence covered up insecurity. Despite my hard-working nature, being helpful gave me something to do when unsure. Bubbly exuberance masked anxiety and awkwardness in social settings.
Upholding this persona was exhausting, which showed up as depression for me. Often during or after social situations, I would feel a hollow emptiness inside me. Surrounded by people, I was lonely and depressed, unable to let them in.
Depression led to isolation, a well-meaning family member suggested to constantly be around people; “When you’re with other people, you’re okay.” Trying this, I eventually understood that I was only around people when I was okay enough to do so while masking.
Along with masking was my propensity to overwork, ignoring my own needs for the needs of others. When I worked, I was okay. But on the days I didn’t work, I was non-functional, struggling to complete care tasks like eating and showering.
Medication and therapy didn’t improve these depressive symptoms. I was caught in the cycle of burnout; pushing myself to the point of breaking, then stopping to pick up the pieces; each time rebuilding myself and my life in a shape that might look like success. I didn’t have goals, except to ‘get better’.
Through a 12-step program for people who love too much, I began to learn acceptance. The negative messaging I had internalized for so long- that I was different, ‘wrong’, clumsy, sensitive, defiant, too much, not enough- no longer had such a hold on me. I began to define myself with my own words and to define my beliefs and values. My dreams and desires began to take shape. My actions and goals held value to me.
The mask I had worn for years -that I had glued on as a lifeline, but which carried such a weight- came free. It was a mask created by expectations of me, by others’ desires, by unmet standards. All of the ways in which I had never measured up. A perfect mold I tried to fit. A mold that doesn’t exist.
At times, the mask can slip back on without me noticing. Some people prefer me with it on. Unmasking wasn’t easy. But I don’t choose easy. I choose to be true to myself, a self that I’m still finding. One that never stops learning and growing.
Discovering that I was still in defense mode was another opportunity to understand myself in a new way, regulating my nervous system and developing my internal trust and safety through somatic practices. Heightened sensory sensitivity can be uncomfortable, but with these practices, being present in my mind and body is easier. I’ve even begun running! (Jogging, really.) More than exercise, it feels like ‘me’ time.
Meeting my needs has become easier as well. I am more aware of them, and their nuances; eating, for example. I was recently diagnosed with Avoidant -Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), an eating disorder which isn’t based in body image issues. Certain smells, textures and foods are an immediate ‘NO’ for me, but others are conditional ‘yes’s. (Hence me specifying “I like crisp grapes” when I was offered some but didn’t accept.) Because of food intolerances, understanding and accepting (without judging) my reasoning behind certain food choices allows me to make informed decisions about what to eat. Knowing and understanding my needs allows me to ask for help when I’m unable to meet those needs on my own. Because my nutritional needs can be tricky to navigate alone, I benefit from working with a dietician or nutritionist.
I was also able to ask for (and receive) accommodations at work, allowing me to regulate my sensory needs and comfortably navigate the environment, while advocating for myself in the process.
Having autism is an intrinsic part of me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Accepting and loving myself exactly as I am hasn’t only given me authenticity, but also compassion and understanding. The experiences I’ve gone through, ones shared here and so many more, have shaped me into the wonderful person I am, giving me insight and empathy towards others. While continuing my journey of acceptance and authenticity, I hope to help others on theirs; professionally and also personally.
Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue a post-secondary education. Help us continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here.
Also, consider having Kerry, one of the only professionally accredited speakers on the spectrum in the country, speak at your next event by sending him an inquiry here. If you have a referral for someone who many want him to speak please reach out as well! Kerry speaks with schools, businesses, government agencies, colleges, nonprofit organizations, parent groups and other special events on topics ranging from employment, how to succeed in college with a learning disability, internal communication, living with autism, bullying prevention, social media best practices, innovation, presentation best practices and much more!
