This guest post is by Kira Farnham, a young woman on the autism spectrum who attends UNC Wilmington. Kira is applying for the Spring 2025 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference started by me, Kerry Magro. I was nonverbal till 2.5 and diagnosed with autism at 4 and you can read more about my organization here.
Autistics on Autism the Next Chapter: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams will be released on Amazon on 3/25/25 and looks at the lives over 75 Autistic adults. 100% of the proceeds from this book will go back to supporting our nonprofits many initiatives, like this scholarship program. Check out the book here.
I’m someone who is always on time for everything. Oftentimes I’m early, waiting in my car until it’s the appropriate time to come in. Today I was 30 minutes early to work and ate breakfast in my car before I went in. Yesterday I had my mouse hovering over “join call” for 15 minutes just so I could join at just the right time. I have lots of memories like this, of being content with sitting and waiting before something starts. I have become quite good at sitting and waiting. Sitting and waiting for my turn at a dance competition. Sitting and waiting for my sibling’s soccer game to finish. Sitting and waiting to see if someone will choose me to be their partner in class. Sitting and waiting to be invited. Sitting and waiting to see if they will tell me I have autism or if I have somehow made up everything I’ve experienced. Sitting and waiting to see if I got into college. Sitting and waiting with a tray of cookies because I’ve convinced myself the only way to make friends in college is to bake them sweets. Sitting and waiting to hear back from the program I desperately wanted to be accepted into. Sitting and waiting with the feeling of being rejected. Sitting and waiting while it felt like everyone was on a fast track to success while I was there waiting. It’s not that I’m not successful. I am in a great college, a great major, and am incredible at my job. It’s just that there are these other things that I have been sitting and waiting for that I am sick of sitting and waiting for. I’ve been sitting and waiting for friendships. How strange is it that I had to sit and wait for 18 years before having friends that I feel comfortable enough to unmask around and who love every part of me. I don’t have “childhood friends”. I mean, it makes sense to me why. I am not good at reading social cues and have a tendency to horrendously overshare or withdraw completely. I have strange interests and would rather talk to you about the Lego set I’ve been building or the TV show I’m watching than anything else. I don’t know how to tell if someone actually likes me and I don’t know how to actually have a friendship. If the instructions for friendships were as easy to follow as a Lego instruction booklet I would be the most popular person in the world. But there is no booklet and I am not the most popular. So I’ve been sitting and waiting, sitting and observing, sitting and wishing for friends like the ones I have now. I have them now. They are amazing and kind and loving and they know I’m autistic. They let me rave on about the strange show I just saw and indulge in my strange picky eating habits. I wish I could talk to the younger version of myself, the one that was still sitting and waiting. The one that hated sitting and waiting because it felt like the waiting would never end. The one who found out she had autism in the midst of Covid and who felt that her sitting and waiting was never going to end. Who finally had an explanation for all these feelings but who was sick of sitting and waiting. Sitting and waiting for others to understand, to feel validated, to feel comfortable. I wish I could let her know that the sitting and waiting might last a while. To tell her that it’s going to be a lot of sitting and waiting. But to tell her that I’ve learned to be ok with sitting and waiting. Because the sitting and waiting is a part of me. I feel like I sit and wait more than my neurotypical friends. Maybe that’s part of being autistic. Sitting and waiting. But more importantly, it’s being ok with the sitting and waiting. Because the sitting and waiting isn’t all that bad. My sitting and waiting has made me an excellent observer. I have learned things about myself and others that I never would have if I wasn’t made to sit and wait. I would have never learned about my resilience. I would have never learned about the possibilities my future holds. I would never have met my friends, the ones who are willing to sit and wait with me. So I’m content with sitting and waiting. I am good at sitting and waiting.
Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue a post-secondary education. Help us continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here.
Also, consider having Kerry, one of the only professionally accredited speakers on the spectrum in the country, speak at your next event by sending him an inquiry here. If you have a referral for someone who many want him to speak please reach out as well! Kerry speaks with schools, businesses, government agencies, colleges, nonprofit organizations, parent groups and other special events on topics ranging from employment, how to succeed in college with a learning disability, internal communication, living with autism, bullying prevention, social media best practices, innovation, presentation best practices and much more!
