This guest essay is by David Yuan. I am a National Honor Society member who likes playing chess, especially with custom rules that I come up with. In addition, I do a lot of volunteering and even a job internship at Seeds to Sew International. In my free time, I also like playing ping-pong, tennis, Chinese checkers, and Gamestar Mechanic.
“WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?”
That’s the kind of thing I heard whenever my brother or I did something our parents didn’t like throughout the last ten years. Being from China, they followed their tradition of being strict about mistakes, which works well in their home country. But instead of helping, this just made things worse. Every little thing felt so serious; all I thought about every day was avoiding making my parents mad while trying to make things “fair”. Instead of listening to them like I should have done, I wanted revenge every time my parents did something that seemed unfair.
That made things hard already, but with autism, being more mature often seemed impossible. Rather than trying to talk with others, I grew up without many friends and usually just had fun by myself. I felt too scared of many things to socialize, such as getting laughed at. I hid my thoughts and didn’t speak them out because I was worried others wouldn’t agree. So while everyone else was having fun with each other, I just stayed on YouTube and games. I couldn’t imagine what any other life would look like.
But then God called me back to him in 2023, during a meeting in the “Summer School of Truth” camp in our church’s retreat site. Every summer, many Christian high schoolers in the northeast go there to learn about God and enjoy recreational activities for a week. There were no electronics, just people who loved God and cared for the other brothers and sisters. “I wanted to be cool in front of all my friends, and God said, “No.” During a meeting, it was just another day of wanting to have fun online. Instead of socializing, I was in my own world like a regular autistic kid. I was thinking about other things, not being too focused on the lesson … until I heard these words. This showed me what God really thought of what I did in the past. The best part? He would and did forgive me. For the first time, I saw just how rich His life was.
After that, I learned to listen not only to God, but also to others in school and church. Once far from God and lost in sin, I’m now ready to overcome the challenges of autism and inspire others to do the same. Talking with others and learning to be social is one of the hardest challenges for me today. Although I want to be social and make lots of friends, that’s my expectation, and reality is very different. I couldn’t escape the feeling that I didn’t have anything good to say. Being more social and talking with others felt like it was impossible, and I didn’t know if I’d ever do it. But during winter break, spending time skiing with my church helped me to enjoy talking with others. Although it still seems hard to find the right things to say, I know I’ll be able to do it one day.
In fact, I was able to speak about my social journey in a speech to my YP group a few weeks ago (4/11). I felt especially nervous in front of kids with whom I can’t always agree. I wasn’t sure if I could say everything I wanted to in the way I wanted to, but I still went up there and explained how I felt about socializing to everyone. This time, I didn’t just give up because what I said didn’t feel right or because I wanted to keep anything a secret. I just said what I needed to finally say. Even though talking hasn’t suddenly become so much easier, I now know that I can do it.
Being led far away from the Lord for several years, it is often very frustrating when I have a hard time coming back to Him. One day, you’re the ideal person, the next, you’re making mistakes you thought were behind you. But even though it is now clear that the struggle never ends, I am more confident than ever that I can solve any problem that comes my way. Although the truth is painful, I learned that with God, anything is possible. Returning to Him after drifting away is not always easy, but His grace is always available. Each experience has helped shape me into someone more responsible, faithful, and determined to serve others. I am committed to continuing this journey with humility, perseverance, and trust in God’s plan.
This essay was submitted to the KFM Making a Difference scholarship program, founded by Dr. Kerry Magro to support autistic students pursuing postsecondary education. Publication does not announce a scholarship award.
