This guest post is by Jasper Carpenter, a sixteen-year-old senior at Kickapoo High School in Missouri. He was diagnosed with autism later in life and is one of the only out transgender kids at his high school. Jasper enjoys rock climbing, mixing coffee drinks, and participating in archery club. He plans on attending Missouri State University to major in Radiography. Carpenter is applying for the Spring 2024 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference started by me, Kerry Magro. I was nonverbal till 2.5 and diagnosed with autism at 4, and you can read more about my organization here. Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams, our nonprofit’s new book, was released on March 29, 2022, on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults.
Today, I woke up, took a college statistics class at my high school, went to a local elementary school to tutor special education students during the afternoon, and then took an anatomy course at a community college. I am tired from my day but not wholly overstimulated. I have learned how to manage my symptoms of autism and still have a full life. I am hopeful about my future and even excited to start college. However, the feeling of hope is a relatively new feeling for me. Until my sophomore year of high school, I felt lost and overwhelmed. I was in the closet about my gender identity and constantly behind in my schoolwork. My journey to be myself and understand my neurodivergent brain has not been easy, but it was worth it.
When I was younger, I was the bad kid who always acted up. I was constantly behind on my schoolwork and went to the nurse’s office almost daily. I desperately tried to communicate with the nurse and my teachers that I felt physically sick because of how loud it was in the classroom. I didn’t have the words to explain that I was overstimulated or that I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body. My clothes felt wrong, my classes were too noisy, the other kids were gross, and I did not like how my body was developing.
In middle school, I cried in the car every day after classes. I did not know why I was overwhelmed, but I knew I hated attending school. I struggled to pay attention in class and avoided my classmates. I knew I did not feel like a girl, but I did not know what that meant. All of this made attending school too hard for me, and I eventually begged my parents to be homeschooled. I started school online in my seventh-grade year. Homeschooling was easier on me mentally and physically, but I felt isolated. This was also around the time COVID-19 started, so my isolation was made worse because I couldn’t interact with any friends at church or extracurriculars. I became increasingly depressed during this time and started to dream about ending my life.
My depression continued into my freshman year of high school. I was still taking classes online due to COVID-19 and was stuck at home most of the time. I felt so exhausted by the prospect of living. Why would I want to live when I couldn’t be myself, and life was so overwhelming? Life is loud and messy and tiring, and I was simply done with it. I was so depressed that I even tried to take my own life. Thankfully, I did not go through with the act. The near attempt was a wake-up call for my family. I started seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for my mental health issues and came out as transgender. My family helped me change my name and encouraged me to go back to school so I could find a community of peers.
I went back to public school for my sophomore year of high school. I was out as transgender, and with my parents’ support, I came out to my school teachers and counselor. Slowly, I integrated back into in-person classes. I was enjoying being myself instead of pretending to be someone I wasn’t, but I still struggled with sensory overload. Around this time, my oldest sibling got diagnosed with autism and suggested that I get evaluated. My parents took me to a psychologist who diagnosed me with autism spectrum disorder. Talking to the psychologist, I felt seen for the first time. My sensory sensitivities made sense. My inability to be around large crowds for extended periods made sense. My struggle to pay attention in loud classes made sense. The psychologist explained that I could receive accommodations to make school more accessible. Getting those accommodations changed everything for me. With my new diagnosis, the school allowed me to use fidget toys in class, wear headphones, avoid large assemblies, access a reduced schedule, and have extended test time limits. I could also take tests away from my class and away from distractions.
With those accommodations, I feel like life is doable again. I am no longer severely depressed or dealing with suicidal thoughts. Now, I have other neurodivergent friends, I am working a job, and I have hope for my future. I know I can tackle college because I will have the accommodations I need to succeed. I understand my brain, my limitations, and my strengths. I am excited to get a degree in radiology. I hope to show others who are struggling that life is not only possible but can also be enjoyable, even with a disability.
Follow my journey on Facebook, my Facebook Fan Page, Tiktok, Youtube & Instagram.
My name is Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum. I started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue post-secondary education. Help support me so I can continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here.
Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams was released on March 29, 2022 on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults. 100% of the proceeds from this book will go back to our nonprofit to support initiatives like our autism scholarship program. In addition, this autistic adult’s essay you just read will be featured in a future volume of this book as we plan on making this into a series of books on autistic adults.
