This guest essay is by Benjamin Tyler.
One of the biggest and most consistent challenges I had when it came to family relations, was accepting the lack of an answer or reason behind a request. I still don’t fully accept this today, although with the help of therapy and naturally maturing over time, I haven’t been confrontational about it for a fair while. The lack of an answer or reason most commonly comes up in arguments and requests for chores. I believe hearing a “because I said so” is a widely recognized line. The lack of being given reason for doing a task I did not want to do or didn’t plan for, or a lack of closure during an argument, used to be a big issue for me. Being asked to do chores or a task is a common thing and normally wouldn’t pose an issue.
For me both in my upbringing and today, I usually have a sense of a plan for how the day will go, or I’m running on a pre-set routine of expectations, the routine is the case during school, with more selective planning taking over during breaks, holidays, and weekends. Having an additional task, especially a longer one such as yard work, would upset me, and simply being asked to do it would upset me more. This was solved by getting a plan together of who is expected to do what chore ad when, allowing them to be integrated into my routine and planning without showing up unexpectedly.
During arguments, my biggest issue is accepting that whoever I’m speaking to simply doesn’t want to provide a reason sometimes. During younger arguments with my parents that resulted in “because I said so” or something related would tend to set me off, annoying and hounding them further because I was unsatisfied with the answer. In hindsight it’s fairly easy to tell that they simply didn’t want to continue the argument, or wanted me to calm down instead of being asked why over and over. Nowadays there are no longer fight over this, especially within the family it has become a near non-issue, though I still find myself dissatisfied commonly for the reasoning behind some types oschool assignments, or online arguments, and similar situations. If I were to advise to anyone who feels the same dissatisfaction, I’d say that if the person being talked to is unwilling to give a “better” response, it’s usually out of a lack of interest in continuing. Generally, haggling for that answer or reason is not worth the time.
My biggest issue in school continuing today is difficulty focusing on a task. This is partially due to my autism coexisting with ADHD. I have always had trouble committing to something that I couldn’t relate to a hyper fixation or interest that I have. The worst of that is during the creation of presentations and essays. In most assignments, it is not viable to relate the contents to my personal interests, which often leads to me procrastinating on it and completing is closer to the deadline than would be expected. When I was able to mentally relate some of the contents to an interest, or in the case of some slides, make the presentation itself about my interests. While not a common occurrence, it allowed me a fresh wave of enthusiasm for a project I would otherwise not feel much point in completing with my best efforts.
While not a large issue during my early childhood, I have noticed some differences in my performance within a workplace. I would usually require repeated reminders and explanation on some tasks, especially multi-step ones. After around a week or two, the tasks would be fit into my routine, allowing me to perform my job properly without relying on support. To fellow autists that are just getting into work or intend to soon, what I would consider one of the best things to do is to establish communication right away. Ensuring an employer or boss knows beforehand that more specific instructions alongside some patience may be needed, it helps a lot in ensuring that getting used to a job can go smoothly. There are also orgnaizations that specifically support people with disorders, I personally have the support of “Discoverabilty”. They helped me by helping me get my resume together and finding a location that is used to employing people with disorders such as autism. There’s also the nice bonus that through Discoverability the government pays for the on the job training, which puts less pressure on the employer . This can help with patience and understanding as they don’t have to worry about losing money while training.
Overall the majority of my issues with autism have been related to lack of understanding, social cues, and motivation. These issues have had a lessened affect on me as I matured and had the assistance of my family and therapists, though I still am noticeably affected.
Attached images are me partaking in my biggest hyperfixation, which is motorsports.
This essay was submitted to the KFM Making a Difference scholarship program, founded by Dr. Kerry Magro to support autistic students pursuing postsecondary education.
