This guest essay is by Jack Grzybowski. My name is Jack Grzybowski. I’ve grown up on the spectrum sitting right along the border of neurotypical and neurodivergent. My journey towards getting where I am now was difficult, but quite a ride. I’m looking forward to sharing it with you.
From the very day I was born, things were already different about me. As babies are born from their mothers wombs, they are unfamiliar with their odd new surroundings and strange bright environment. The most common response is to cry out in response to these odd new stimuli and for their mother’s milk. Upon my birth, I was expected to react the same. But according to my parents, I never did. Although this is a detail which doesn’t raise much concern, this was the first of many oddities in my childhood.
As I was growing up in my household as an infant, I never needed a pacifier. I was already quiet enough not to need one. And any time I was given one, I always rejected it. I became more aware of my surroundings, and often communicated through mimicking any words I heard (these were mostly movie quotes). These behaviors weren’t enough to raise an eyebrow, but they were definitely irregular.
When I reached preschool age, it was discovered by my family that I had a lot of trouble socializing. This, compared with many of my previous behaviors, was enough to raise a bit of concern. I was taken to a psychologist to attempt to find a proper reason behind these issues, and soon came the diagnosis.
As I grew older, my troubles with socializing remained. I never could fit in anywhere and was prone to getting bullied. Especially at the young age I was at. As I grew older and more self-aware in my elementary school years, I wondered why everyone else seemed to thrive socially while I remained alone. Everyone seemed to know each other and was all friends with each other. The only people I hung around with were considered weird by social standards. I needed an answer, because I believed something was wrong with me. I asked my parents, and they told me everything I needed to know.
I graduated elementary school and entered middle school more aware than I had been before. But with this new knowledge, I knew I was different from almost everybody there. My diagnosis had discovered that I lie right next to the border which separates the neurotypical from the neurodivergent. Simply put, I was considered “too different” to be one of the normal kids, and “too normal” to be one of the other kids in Special Education. Although I had found comfort in a few friends, this fact still laid in the back of my mind. Eating away at my self-worth.
As I entered high school, things began to ripple in waves. Waves which carried me toward great ups and the worst downs. I had been competitively swimming for almost my whole life, and I never stopped even when it hurt me. Because I took great joy in the feeling of accomplishment, and this was the best way I could do it. So when I came to high school, I joined the swim team seeking more accomplishment.
Things would go up and down from here. Everyone on the team already knew each other, and hung out with each other. Although I knew only a few of them, they all still knew everyone else and related to them much better than they related to me. Upon my entry, everyone almost immediately sensed I was different. And I was ridiculed, excluded, mocked, and ignored. All of this compared with the fact that I was physically working harder than ever had worsened my self-esteem more than ever.
This had opened a massive door in my life. Although I had suffered more than ever, I had learned great virtues such as heightened senses of discipline and empathy for others. As I grew older on the team, I endured the challenges set upon me by the others. Became much faster and stronger than ever before. Became a role model to those newer to the team and showed them the ropes.
As my self-esteem rose again, I began to extend my circle and my comfort zone. I became more ambitious and more resilient to change in my life. I grew a new group of friends who genuinely care about me and enjoy spending time with me. Although I still struggle with certain social events, I’ve still become far more resilient to these situations than when I started.
I’ve come far in my journey, and my journey will only continue further when I go to St. Norbert College to continue my swimming career and determine my major. Although such a journey may be more of a challenge than any challenge I’ve ever experienced, I will continue to adapt and persevere, serving as an example and advocate for those like me who are less fortunate than I ended up being.
This essay was submitted to the KFM Making a Difference scholarship program, founded by Dr. Kerry Magro to support autistic students pursuing postsecondary education. Publication does not announce a scholarship award.
